Area Man Somehow Endures Harrowing Entertainment-Free Commute

Canada News News

Area Man Somehow Endures Harrowing Entertainment-Free Commute
Canada Latest News,Canada Headlines
  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 1 sec. here
  • 2 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 4%
  • Publisher: 51%

SAN FRANCISCO—Despite having no access to personal entertainment technology or media stimulation of any kind, 33-year-old Jeff Vali somehow withstood his entire harrowing 30-minute train commute Friday. “I wasn’t scared at first, but I started freaking out when I fully realized what was happening,” said a stunned Vali, who told reporters he had dashed out the door and left his iPod on the counter. “I still had my Kindle, but it went dead last week and I forgot to charge it. I tried to keep calm by reading the newspaper of the guy standing next to me, but I couldn’t get close enough to make out more than one or two big headlines. Even the ads on the train were all boring community college stuff. Eventually I realized I was going to be trapped with nothing but my thoughts for the next half-hour. It was horrifying.” Vali told reporters he managed to survive his ordeal by humming “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” and sifting through the contents of his wallet.

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

TheOnion /  🏆 724. in US

Canada Latest News, Canada Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

What’s the Difference Between Free-Range, Cage-Free, and Pasture-Raised Eggs?What’s the Difference Between Free-Range, Cage-Free, and Pasture-Raised Eggs?Egg cartons can be surprisingly confusing. BstarWarshaw’s “What’s the Difference” is here to help
Read more »

She endured obscene phone calls, had to use men's bathrooms, as one of NASA's first female engineersShe endured obscene phone calls, had to use men's bathrooms, as one of NASA's first female engineersCNN’s upcoming Apollo 11 documentary will feature never-seen-before footage of the only woman in the mission control room: JoAnn Morgan.
Read more »

YG Entertainment Founder Yang Hyun-Suk Booked on Suspicion of Arranging Prostitution Services: ReportsYG Entertainment Founder Yang Hyun-Suk Booked on Suspicion of Arranging Prostitution Services: Reports
Read more »

Airline passenger uses feet to swipe through in-flight entertainment, horrifying TwitterverseAirline passenger uses feet to swipe through in-flight entertainment, horrifying TwitterverseIn a video shared on Twitter, an unidentified man can be seen using his naked big toe to swipe through movie and television choices on an airplane's touchscreen.
Read more »

Area 51 Is Cool, But Have You Heard of Wright-Patterson?Area 51 Is Cool, But Have You Heard of Wright-Patterson?Forget about Area 51. If you really care about aliens, and the truth, you’d be better off looking into Wright-Patterson, an Air Force base in Dayton, Ohio
Read more »



Render Time: 2025-03-16 03:04:59