SexAndTheCity presented us with a lot of flings. Let’s remember all of them, painful as it may be, from worst to best
Photo-Illustration: Stevie Remsberg Sex and the City aired its first episode on June 6, 1998. In honor of the occasion, we’re taking a look back at 20 years of SATC. Read all the Cut’s anniversary coverage here.
89. Dominic This jerk. He broke Samantha’s heart. Then she thought she could break his heart to get back at him, but then he broke her heart again before she could do it! What a dick. I recently saw him in a bit part on a short-lived ABC drama about a magician cop, though, so I guess he got his. 85. Alexander Lindley Oh God, speaking of Charlotte, remember this guy? He would shout “FUCKING WHORE!” and “FUCKING SLUT!” at Charlotte when they were having sex, and then when she told him she didn’t like it he’d say he didn’t remember doing it! No thanks! 83. Mitch This guy liked going down on Charlotte — too much. He was very gross about it once at dinner. Remember? He shoved his face into some sort of fruit? 81. Jim This guy dated Carrie first and then Miranda.
77. Dick Cranwell This guy was a rich philanthropist who Samantha was trying to get to donate money to some cause. Remember? I bet you don’t remember, but that’s okay — it was very minor. She ended up almost sleeping with him before his wife walked in and caught them in the act, then the wife attempted to ruin Samantha’s philanthropic reputation.
73. Kurt Harrington Kurt’s the guy from the pilot who Carrie says is a “self-centered, withholding creep.” We didn’t really see too much from him, so we have to take her word on it. He certainly didn’t seem nice! 69. Len Schneider Yuck, ew, I really did not like this dude. Samantha dated him when she thought she was going through menopause and had to find someone to settle with before all of her options dried up, but then she got her period all over his sheets — thank God!
65. Dr. Bram Walker Ugh, BRAM! Bram wasn’t that bad — he was the surgeon who fell asleep during sex with Charlotte, remember? She was very offended by it, but it sounded like he had a pretty busy day. So. Not so bad, in my opinion. But it’s fun to say , “Ugh, BRAM!!!!!!” 61. Harrison Oh wait, this guy also told Samantha she was old! He was a lawyer and said something to her about how sexual harassment cases were often brought against the older woman, insinuating that she was an older woman. How dare he. And then he got all done up in his BDSM closet. I imagine Samantha would have been into it if he hadn’t called her old.
57. Josh Josh couldn’t give Miranda an orgasm and he couldn’t tell when she was faking it. “Oh, do you have, like, a physical problem or something?” he asked her. Uh. No, she doesn’t, Josh. And she went to Harvard Law! Show some respect! 55. Sam Sam was a young, cute guy, but his apartment was disgusting and he made coffee using toilet paper as a coffee filter. Remember that? What the fuck, man. I hate thinking about that and I think about it frequently.
51. Matt This guy sucked, he’s only up this high on the list because he doesn’t matter and I sort of forgot about him. Sorry, MATT! He was Samantha’s assistant who would yell at people on the phone, even after she told him not to. Calm down, dude. Then they had sex! 47. Aaron Aaron liked talking dirty, which Miranda wasn’t into at first. Then she came around to the idea and said something about how he liked to have his butt fingered. He did not like that. Aaron, Miranda was just trying to do what you wanted. Chill out about your stupid butt!
43. Jake Jake was just some fine enough guy smoking in a bar, ready to hook up with Carrie, until he got some more cigarettes at a newsstand when Carrie’s New York cover was out. He brought the magazine to her and yelled “IS THIS YOU?!” Jake … yes, it was. 41. Sam Jones Sam Jones was, essentially, a child that Samantha had sex with. After some sort of a telephone mix-up due to their similar names she confronted him and took his virginity. Then he fell in love with her. Aw, Sam Jones.
37. Seth Hey, look who it is! It’s Seth! Carrie met Seth at therapy; he was there because he always loses interest in women after sleeping with them. Carrie was there because she always picks the wrong guys. Incredible matchmaking. Thank you to Bon Jovi. 33. Tom Miranda stopped having to see the nice man she met at Weight Watchers because he was a, uh, messy eater. It’s fine.
29. Stephan Was he a gay straight man or a straight gay man? That was the question on everyone’s lips, when it was the episode with Stephan in it. Turns out he was, I guess, a “gay straight man.” Even though he was a pastry chef and knew what a dress was, Stephan wanted to have sex with Charlotte. Men! Unfortunately he was very freaked out by a mouse and Charlotte couldn’t handle it. I think that’s fair enough. It’s just a mouse, man. 27.
24. Ricky the Firefighter Oh, Ricky. There wasn’t really anything wrong with Ricky except for the fact that he was a firefighter who had to put out a fire at the exact moment Samantha was naked in his firehouse, which interrupted her fantasy. At least she got to slide down the pole. 19. Chip Kil-Kenney This guy Chip, Samantha’s stockbroker neighbor, gave Samantha secret stock info her because her blow jobs were so good. And then he got arrested for insider trading! Damn. The stock tips were a pretty good perk, though, for Samantha, and he was already so hot.
15. Bill Kelley Ah, Bill Kelley! He was so charming and handsome. Yes he asked Carrie to pee on him, but he only wanted her to do it in the shower, and wasn’t she a sex columnist anyway? Dang. And yes, he dumped her because dating a sex columnist would be bad for his campaign, but politicians want for nothing but power, are uniformly evil, and are all liars. That’s not Bill Kelley’s fault!
11. Luke the Farmer Samantha was bored in the country and just, like, found this guy to have sex with? Pretty good.
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