My new partner’s son doesn’t accept me, and my partner won’t stand up for me: Ask Ellie
Q:My husband and I were very good friends with another couple for nine years. Within the next year, the wife moved away to be with another woman, and my husband started an affair which led to our divorce.I expected a sob story, so I spoke first and immediately said that I was fully adjusted to my divorce, and, in fact, believed that my ex and his new partner were better suited than he and I had ever been.
But a bigger problem emerged from the new man’s eldest son, 18, who refuses to visit his father because he doesn’t accept my presence in “their home.” He and his younger brother, 15, moved to their grandparents’ house. I feel unfairly targeted as “the wicked witch” by people who should care about his happiness, too, as my daughter cares about mine. Is there any advice to help me during this situation?Their father must show his sons that he still loves them deeply, and also understand their natural upset when their mother moved away, while also helping them accept her reason, as he’s done.
It could be insightful and helpful for your partner to talk to a family-oriented therapist about his sons’ reactions to all these changes. He may then also ask whether the boys and he need therapy together, and/or with their mother, if she’s willing.
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