Men with ADHD may feel bombarded with constant critiques of their underperformance at home and at work. The struggle to become reliable in the face of distraction and planning problems causes many men to retreat from conflict.
2. Emotional Regulation Challenges for Men with ADHD, responding quickly and intensely to stimuli, is a core characteristic of ADHD. I see more men than women with anger-management issues. Our society accepts raging men, but has little tolerance for angry women.
Create verbal cues with your partner to interrupt arguments before they get out of control. My husband and I agreed to use “aardvark” at times when I notice he is agitated, but seems unaware of it. This odd word means “stop talking, and take some time to calm down.” It has worked well for us.Research suggests that men have greater difficulty recovering from conflict than women do. Their blood pressure remains elevated after conflict, and they have more trouble calming themselves.
Work with your partner, and perhaps a counselor, to come up with alternative interactions about experiences that cause you pain. These might include verbal cues, scheduling emotional discussions rather than having them on the fly, and improving mindfulness when you are putting yourself down.
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