Reasons for not having children – or being unlikely to ever have them – differ between the older and younger people. How they live with the decision is a whole other story in itself.
You're on the list! Expect to receive your first email very soon!between the older and younger groups. The top response for those who are over 50 is that it just didn't happen. Meanwhile, those under 50 usually say they simply don't want to. So we decided to read up on how people perceive this aspect of themselves and found a couple of discussions on Quora where childfree adults have been sharing their unfiltered thoughts and emotions on the matter.
Incidentally, a few months after our split, my ex-husband texted to say ‘I just want to thank you for persuading me to have a child. I love our little fella so much.’ I announced at 16 that I never wanted kids. I heard all the usual BS about how I’d change my mind, I was too young to know, having a child was my “job”, who would take care of me when I was old, etc.
Having a kid is NOT the end all/be all for females. You really do get to choose to live your own life and pursue your own goals and dreams if you want to. WITHOUT GUILT. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.apparently, i told my mom i never wanted to marry or have kids when i was 7. i also heard all those same things from people this lady was told, and like her, i have never ever wavered or regretted that decision. also like her, i am 65, retired at 62 and traveled.
When I got married, I was unsure whether I wanted children. Never dead against the idea but not exactly pro the idea either. At best, I would say I was ambivalent. A few years into the marriage my wife suggested that we start trying. Again, I was not exactly for it nor dead set against it. In fact, after a week or so of trying, I kinda tried to back out of it and go back towards contraception. My wife however, very subtly persisted by saying, let’s just see what happens.
My ex-husband was alright about having kids when we got married, but abruptly changed his mind a few years later and became adamant against having kids. He was calculative, cold, and thought kids were a waste of money and time. He also became increasingly abusive, controlling, a serial cheater, and vowed that if we ever had children, he would treat them worse than he treated me.
Everyone must do what is right for them in the long term. At the end of it all, whether one has children or not, it doesn’t matter since we all end up dead anyway. It’s just a matter of when it’ll happen for us all.Those who have children, of course, are going to say, they are happy they had a child. They love their child. Those of us who don’t love a child, we don’t know, what we don’t know. We’re ok with that.
My upbringing was such that I never wanted to marry or have children. All I had for examples were broken marriages and very unhappy people who endured each other for the sake of appearances. I would become upset when older people suggested to teenage me that I would one day change my mind. I grew up over night when I became caregiver to my grandfather and great grandmother in my teens. I didn’t see myself as able to love or be loved, and I felt old long before my time.
There is so much about my life that I deeply regret, but having her has never been one of them. I am honored that God gave me the privilege of protecting her, loving her, and knowing her. Today I have two adult kids that only call me when they need money and have shit on me in every other way … No, I don’t regret not having kids. I always knew I was t going to have them, and I’m happy. A lot of my cousins don’t have kids, and my sister doesn’t either. Thankfully, I didn’t have an egotistical, self righteous mother, who demanded grandchildren.
I guess I’m in the minority here. I never had kids nor really wanted them. I thought about it, sure, I think most people do. But I just never had the feeling my life wouldn’t be complete without them, and my partner of 25 years feels the same way. Sometimes I wish I had had a daughter, because I would raise her so much differently than how I was raised . But that’s just speculation on my part.
Having kids is mentally and physically exhausting, but no parent will own up to it in public. Shame on them. I was considered the least likely to marry, be a homemaker, or have kids of the three of us girls in my family. I wasn’t much of a homebody and I love traveling. I also wasn’t very stable in terms of relationships or staying in college or keeping a job. But, at 23, I made the decision to settle down and have a family.
Will always be my biggest regret. I have a great relationship with older stepson. Younger one a useless POS. Glad I had them, really one in my life but just not the same.This is, BTW, why kids are an absolute deal breaker in a relationship. If one person wants them and the other does not, they should part company, full stop. There is no satisfactory compromise to be had, unless one of them doesn’t mean it for some reason or another.
No I do not regret having children. But more importantly, YOU won’t regret my children. Because they are poised to save your life , and save your business and we must have competent young people or society is gone. When smart women decide not to breed, we will have consequences.I was 17 in 1979 when I got unexpectedly pregnant and was totally unprepared for what I was getting myself into.
My wife and I deliberately had kids young, so we’d still be young enough ourselves to enjoy our freedom, once they were old enough to take care of themselves. Selfish, I know. My youngest daughter claims she has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. My son almost certainly has some kind of mental illness, either bipolar or borderline personality disorder. He rages constantly, is completely unpredictable in his moods which can range from almost euphoric to really miserable, and he can be very verbally abusive. My oldest daughter, who is now almost 40, seems to be doing the best.
But I cannot understand the evil of a person who brings a helpless child into the world with an unwilling father. What she did to me is bad, but what she did to my daughter who happens also to be her daughter is simply unfathomable evil.If I had the ability to live my life over, making any choices I want, I would not make a single choice which would jeopardize having exactly the kids I have now, just as they have turned out. I love my kids, I love being a dad, I love being part of a family.
And yes though tough at times I have never regretted having her she is the best thing to happen. She has been nothing but my sunshine. She has bought more love and joy and I would not want it any other way. At the age of 25, I realised I would never find my “soulmate” and that if I waited for “ Mr Right" I might leave it too long to have children. So I decided to have a child on my own. In 1984, I had my son, who was my entire life, and I never regretted having him, not once. He took his life in 2019. My only regret is not having had more children when I had the chance.I’ve never wanted kids.
My wife was also injured in the birth and that is permanent. She will have a life of pain and disability. Was not able to sleep no rest huge amount of money spent. Physically and mentally I was so stressed. Postpartum depression hit me very hard I always regretted having twins. As first 4 month they didn't sleep they easily get infected to diseases. No rest in life.
I wish there was some education on parenthood and possible side effects. I wish parents would speak openly about the difficulties of beeing parents. Great kids. The youngest just graduated high school. Oldest is in college. They both are smart and best of all kind and compassionate. I've been raising them as a single parent for many years now, and i consider it to be the most important part of my identity.Children are an enormous drain on you, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, financially. Pregnancy is miserable, and if you’re a man, the fact that your wife is miserable is also going to make you miserable, and you don’t get the hormonally charged rewards, nor do you have the hormonally charged brain mechanism that makes you forget the misery.
The flip side of the coin is, it’s very rewarding, particularly if you had them on purpose, which suggests you have the sort of personality that WILL find it rewarding. I would not give up the experience for anything and ON BALANCE do not regret any of what it cost me. Both my kids were planned, very much wanted kids. I don’t regret a minute I’ve spent with them or a dime I’ve spent on them or the hairs I’ve greyed because of them. They are, unquestionably, the best thing in my life. I would walk into traffic or a burning building for them.
My step-mom and my “momma” said they would take time off and travel the 600 miles to be with me around when I had her so I wasn’t alone and wouldn’t have to embark on motherhood blind… but that’s exactly what happened. I love my daughter, of course. I’d take a bullet for her without hesitation. But I’ve also passed-on some truly detrimental DNA to her. Mental illness and cancer runs in my family. I have survived cancer once and live in fear of it returning. I have mental problems and depression ruins my life daily. These things I stupidly decided to chance passing on to my child.
I wanted to have children. In spite of my very obvious immaturity and cluelessness about being someone’s wife, I think I was pretty good at being a mom, and the fact that my children are much, much better, wiser, and more mature than I’ve ever been is evidence, I think, that I did a good job. Absolutely not. My first son was taken by her mother and her new hubby at 5 and they hid in California for so many years. They surfaced long enough in Arizona, where the court would dissolve my parent rights. The court did not care that they left the midwest without leave of the court. My son remained in hiding but with the new dads name until 45. He’s been taught to hate me since after 5 years of age and that is permanent.
I’m a driven individual. I’m at the top of my profession. I designed and built my own house while grieving and raising 4 traumatized kids. I’ve created state of the art innovations. But I get giddy every time I see that last check written to the university. I freaking did it!Note: My motive for posting this was one part to brag about my milestone but mostly it’s about how rewarding the sacrifices of parenting can be. So many are giving up on life because it has no purpose.
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