It’s okay to want your own bed. Really.
, LMFT, in Southern California, tells SELF. She recommends bringing up the problem in a gentler way that avoids harshly pointing the finger. “So instead of using ‘you,’ say, ‘I’m having a difficult time sleeping and I would like it if we could figure out a way to improve our sleep,’” says Butler-Ozore.
She recommends mentioning your concern. For example, saying, “I noticed that you're tossing and turning all night, and I would imagine you’re not getting a restful night of sleep.” Make the goal twofold: You’reJust to emphasize here, remember that it’s likely not their fault. “It’s important to acknowledge that this isn't something anybody is doing on purpose, so it should not be approached with contempt,” Butler-Ozore says.
Gently recommending your partner get a sleep evaluation to figure out how to fix the problem can help both of you in the long run. Saying something like, “It’s really difficult for me to sleep, and I know you can't help it, but can we figure out a way for both of us to get better sleep at night?” can help you broach the subject.
You may also have to get creative and try some other potential solutions. For example, maybe you can stagger your bedtimes so that one person has a chance to fall asleep first, Butler-Ozore suggests. Depending on what’s keeping you up, maybe you sleep in the same room but have your own separate beds. Maybe just having your own set of sheets and comforter solves the problem if you keep waking up as your partner unwittingly wrenches linens from your body each night.
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