'Oh, hello there' —my eyes.
"I am a thorough brusher and flosser, and always brush my tongue with the toothbrush for a minute at the end of each teeth brushing. I thought I kept a clean mouth, and my dentists would always concur; I’ve never had a cavity at 34 years old. I thought my mouth was basically perfect. And then i used this scraper for the first time, over my white bathroom sink.
How was I so ignorant to its presence, colonizing the vast free real estate amongst the sprawling meadows and rolling hills of my papillae? Today i reclaim my tongue back, and rid it from the impure forces that gripped it for so long, sending them back to depths of hell from whence they came, along with the bad breathey and whitish tongue film, weapons that had once been forged in their furnaces of mouth-malice, but now slide down the drain to their rightful graveyard of human waste that is the...
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