3 Questions Every Couple Should Answer, According to a Therapist
Get on the same page about monogamy, privacy, and finances now to avoid hurt feelings later.One of the most common areas of relationship distress comes in the aftermath of a betrayal. Often this breach is much more nuanced than “They slept with someone else.” Instead, it can look like “They’re flirting with a coworker,” “They spent the money we were saving for a house,” or “They told their family about our last fight.
Truth is, in many cases most emotional land mines could be avoided with a few candid conversations early in the relationship. To help, here are some questions to discuss with your partner:Basically, monogamy refers to being in a relationship with—and having sex with—only one person. It’s an agreement with a partner that sets boundaries around what is sacred to your relationship.
I recommend discussing what monogamy means to you. What constitutes physical or emotional infidelity? This may not be an easy conversation, especially if there are differences in your understanding that need to be ironed out. But these talks always go better if they happen before, rather than after, an assumed line is crossed.In an intimate relationship, there is often an assumed privacy between partners, especially around vulnerable issues.
Get curious about how important sex feels to each of you. How often would you each like to be sexual? What are the best times? How does stress impact your libido? And on the topic of finances: How transparent would you like to be? What are your financial stressors? What do each of you feel comfortable spending on? It’s the very rare couple who are perfectly aligned on every issue. But getting out ahead of potential problems will set you up for success.
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