14 fearless zit-snorkelers divulge their most horrific conquests, including a hallucinogen-fueled excavation, strange artisinal odors, and ill-timed bursts
Photo: Liam Norris/Getty Images/Cultura RF Pimple popping is my love language. There are few acts more gratifying than draining zit juice from my own face. I am equally obsessed with watching others’ extractions — and so are the over 4 million other people who follow California-based dermatologist Sandra Lee, a.k.a. Dr. Pimple Popper, on YouTube. With video names like “A Forehead Cyst That Spit on Me,” Lee’s page is dermatology PornHub.
The Annual Ass Pimple I am 100 percent convinced that my obsession with unappealing bodily functions is hereditary. My mom used to line us up weekly to clean our ears and pick our pimples. She was always super disappointed with my small pores and lack of earwax. With a hard squeeze, a tube proceeded to slowly come out. It was rock hard and the first fifth of it was completely black. It seemed to go on forever. When it finally finished, all that was left in his back was a dark gaping hole. No blood or anything. We still reminisce about the happiness we felt when we found the crater. Every once and a while, I hopelessly squeeze around the black hole, but hardly anything reappears. It just serves as a reminder of one of the happiest days of our lives.
I Performed a Gruesome Botched Surgery In college, my acne was made so much worse by amphetamines, THC, and ecstasy. One cystic pimple, in particular, grew into a dark aubergine bubble on the right side of my nose that I picked at on an almost daily basis. It stayed there for almost a year but it went away shortly before I graduated college.
We Had to Sterilize the Room I see a lot of cysts, but one in particular definitely stands out. The patient was in his early 30s and had a tender lump on his cheek that had been there for years but recently grown. You could see it clearly sticking out from the cheek — it was the size of a cherry tomato.
Before they both moved away, two of my friends would regularly prepare their tweezers and iPhone flashlight while I got half naked for extraction. They were probably my favorites — they took it seriously and would give me a play-by-play, and then show me the blackhead when it was over. Finally, during my sophomore year of high school I was getting ready to go on a college tour. I got out of the shower and toweled off when the towel brushed against the zit. It had popped and the pus ran out so quickly. There was so much pus that instead it just drained down my arm. I don’t know how much toilet paper we went through, but the whole process of squeezing out easily took over 30 minutes. The blood was another 30 minutes.
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