When faced with defiant or violent behavior, most parents try “Plan A,” where they impose their will on an oppositional child. But Plan A doesn’t work. Parents who move to “Plan B” have a much better chance of solving their children’s behavior problems.
unilaterally by imposing rules on their child — called Plan A in the CPS model — but you’ll be more successful if you and your child solve those problems together instead . When you solve problems together, you become partners — teammates — not enemies or adversaries.The heated moment is a bad time to solve problems. But how can you solve problems proactively when your child’s worst episodes are unpredictable? They’re actually not as unpredictable as they might seem.
Which problems should you tackle first? Are there any that are causing safety issues for your child? Work on those. If not, start with the problems that cause the worst behavior, or those that have the worst impact on your child’s life or the lives of others.Seeing your child’s difficulties through the prism of lagging skills permits you to stop referring to your child in counterproductive ways, calling him attention-seeking, manipulative, unmotivated, button-pushing, and so on.
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